The summer of 2019 was the lowest point of my life.
I graduated from film school with dreams of being a filmmaker, only to realize it wasn't for me. A colleague once told me, "When it comes to the movie industry, Los Angeles is an ocean, and New York City is a lake. Everything else is just mud."
I was trying to trudge through mud while in North Carolina and suffered the consequences. I was stuck doing odd jobs while my mental health deteriorated to the point of being admitted to a mental hospital.
And it was around this time that I wrote the poems that would be my first published book, Goodnight Youth.
Goodnight Youth was my first attempt at writing anything beyond screenplays. I pigeonholed myself at the time, believing that I wasn't good at writing anything but scripts. I realize now that it wasn't a lack of talent holding me back; it was a lack of confidence. I didn't bother to see if I could write poetry before 2019. I'm glad that I took the leap of faith. I now speak fluent poetry.
The poems in Goodnight Youth reflected my emotional state at the time. Since these were the first poems I've ever written, they are drenched in moodiness and sentimentality. The poems' language had a raw edge to them. I hadn't expanded my skills as a poet yet. Some of the poems are too direct for my liking now, but going back to rewrite them would be redundant. Everything we write is a snapshot of the time we wrote it. Goodnight Youth is a document reminding me how far I've come and how I can bounce back from adversity.
Right after releasing the book, my life went on the up and up. I've written prolifically since then, and I wouldn't have had the confidence to do so if it weren't for writing Goodnight Youth.
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